I really need to get out and do something, meet people. I need people I can talk to throughout the week, share ideas with and stuff. I'm so lost in my head that when I finally do try and break the shell, my guts spill out in an ambiguous heap that no one can understand.
I think I'm getting worse at reading signs (if that's even possible.) I'm seeing "stop" everywhere I go but I can't tell if the sign's for me or for some other wayward traveler. Is it helpful to wear your self so openly? or does it create confusion? I wish I could for once get into a straight up conversation with out feeling awkward and backing out. I have these ideas man, I don't even understand sometimes. I know you probably just think I'm high, and you're probably right on occasion. But I spend far more time thinking sober than the times after smoking. I smoke to stop stressing, not to figure shit out. It's nice how everything works out though, proper like it fits together right after I get lit. But those connections I make are just observations, I'd rather walk a mile then talk for pity masturbation. Nothing beneficial comes from hating your past, or your self. Own that shit, we all have rough times kid. It makes you stronger and more resilient. That's what's good about pain, cause the longer time goes the higher the stake in our lives towers. Like a teetering obelisk. It's the stones at our base that hold us up and the troubles we face now will be our saving grace when we finally are old. Don't count on dying young, you're probably going to have a long and beautiful life. What you can't get done now will get done in time. because what else do we really have besides our life force and the time it's good for.

So there it is, motivation for myself because I'm not talking to anybody else.