My mind is speaking to me but I do not care to hear it. It natters at me through all hours of the day and into the night. I feed and stimulate it as much as recommended and still it natters on until dawn. I never really learned how to behave as a single young man. In high school I was with a girl I believed would be my wife, but college took that dream away from me along with several other childish fallacies and some fifty grand in federal debt and taught me that I'm still uncertain about almost everything. After being deprived of the one thing that made sense in this world, I was plopped into a seedy neighbourhood with friends who were less than financially responsible. It was here that I learned the hard way why lending money to your friends sometimes not a great idea. I enjoy smoking pot because it is an easy alternative to a social life. I get anxious when I meet people and I find it hard to open up and be friendly and interact with people to let them know what kind of person I am. I'm always afraid of making the wrong impression on people so I normally just fade into the background at social gatherings. I want so badly to share my deepest secrets and thoughts with someone. I want a feeling of purpose and closeness. I miss sex in the morning. Who am I kidding, I miss sex. Not just sex I suppose but at least the kind of intimacy where sex felt like sharing something and not just getting something that I needed. I miss falling asleep thinking about my future with someone instead of staying awake with my mind repeating “You've lost her forever.”