Y You No Get New Years Kiss Ever?

Another show tonight finally. Jammed all day with griff to get a set down. gunna be a little rusty but what ever.

Spent the day with the family all together. It's really become quite the clan. I'm feeling extra joyful and playful with the little ones running around. Finally in bed, I was so stuffed from dinner but my vaporizer just reignited my appetite. I'm debating going for a midnight munch out... I'm leaning more towards no because I should really get to sleep. (Must go to work in 10 and I really want to get up for christmas morning with Yuri.) Tomorrows breakfast will have to satisfy this hunger.

Kinda feeling making a short christmas story though.

"Shit. Santa!" Peter starts up from the couch, panicked. "Wake up man, what day is it?" He rubs his eyes and paces long strides to the only window in the room. Moving smokey curtains, he peers out into the darkness. Peters gangly arms shoot up and crash into the low ceiling.

"Fuck man! It's totally Christmas. Wake up!"

"W-Whaa?" The fat man slowly rolls over a bag of chips, popping the bag and sending chips flying over his bed. Sprawled and yawning; Santa opens his bloodshot eyes. "I think I might still be high man. That was some good sh..."

"Did you hear what I said? It's fucking Christmas, you're going to be late." Peter rushes to pull Santa out of bed.

"What the hell Peter? Christmas isn't for another... What day is it?" Santa asks, puzzled.

"Christmas! Shit man, I'm sorry I messed up. I shouldn't have let you smoke my purples."

"I slept for three days? What?! How is that even..."

"It's possible, but..." Peter struggles to push Santa into a sitting position. "Come on man, help me out. You need to get going or I'm going to get in so much shit from Ma."

"Ma doesn't know I'm here man, don't sweat." Santa grins and pulls on his velveteen red coat. "I've been doing this for a long time bro, I think I can handle being a little late."

"Dude it's like 4am, kids will be running downstairs in like two hours."

"So I do still have time, fuck man you had me worried for a second. Gimme twenty minutes, we'll burn another bowl and then I'll get going." Santa pulls a bong from a sack on the floor.

"Don't you have a lot of deliveries tonight? How long does it usually take you?"

"Not as long as everyone thinks. Perks of being magic, the job basically does itself now."

I don't feel like this story is really going anywhere and I'm fairly tired, so merry christmas! Sorry for the excessive silly language.

Getting festive, finishing christmas prep a day early.

There's no arguing with those who have seen the end of their world. You can try; you can keep living the way you have since you saw the end of yours. But any attempt to change their black and white mind will be met with a firm iron fist. So how do we approach those we see potential in? When all hope is lost, when your own personal strength and faith in love is at an all time low, when the search for the right affection becomes a challenge even when you think you're correct. It doesn't matter what I do at this point, the actions of my friends and the men before them have tainted all reasonable perception of who I am. I don't blame those perspectives; their world is just as hellish as mine if not more so.

I feel much safer in my stronghold of solitude but the years make me weary. How do I let others see over these walls, if I let them completely down I'm afraid of the consequences my past has shown me. I long for the day when I can hop out into the open, exposed and not be greeted by some steely gates. But instead; some other worried traveler brave enough to leave their castle and all it's preconceptions.

I guess though that carrying on inside the hollowed halls of Fort Joey is best for now. I can ensure all my decisions and actions are based on my feelings alone and not to appease someone else's wants. Still, being single fucking sucks.

I came into a conversation the other night with some friends regarding sex that has me somewhat perplexed. They were going on and on about the number of girls they've bedded. A conversation I would rather not have in their company because they make me feel as though I ought to be embarrassed for being nearly celibate. They asked me why I don't "go for girls" at the bar, a feat that would be simple enough for me to "get what I want" (in their terms). My response to them, to avoid further embarrassment was "I can't talk to girls." (This was somewhat of a lie.) The truth is I had been listening to their stories all night and was slightly horrified at the manner which they treated these women. It wasn't abusive but had any of these girls been looking for something more then a one night stand I believe they would be seriously disappointed in men for the rest of their lives. But I guess that is the key "if" phrase.

I guess I should explain why I don't go for the girls at the bar. I fear exactly that which my friends so boldly take advantage of. The one night stand. I'm not looking for anything like that, I can easily access pornography when I need that kind of release. I don't enjoy sex without emotional attachment. There is no reason for me to be interested after the act, and during my mind races around for something to attach itself to. Something that is even less enjoyable for the female I'm sure because instead of being present I am somewhere far in my past trying to remember the last person that made me feel love. It is that memory that stops me from wanting to fuck everything that walks. I've moved on but that doesn't mean I've changed, doesn't mean I've given up on myself.

Perhaps I am an idiot to think that anyone wants what I want. But at least I'm an idiot who isn't ashamed of himself. Embarrassed from others occasionally, and scared; but not a full fledged coward. If I'm expected to take a leap of faith I hope that when I do I am met mid air, because I really don't think I could survive another solo free fall.

"I can only assume that I don't interest you from your nonchalant criticisms of the man."

Without mutual engagement, what's the point?

Have too much time to think by myself. So much that I'd like to talk about but no way to organize it. One day someone will stumble into a conversation with me about some of this stuff and I will feel some validation... Until then though, I'll just keep racing around up there.

Looks like I won't be getting tips this holiday. fuck.

really hope i can get time off over holidays to mingle with siblings.

Just sit close to me
close as close gets
and let me warm up to the occasion.
It's been a while since anyones graced my side,
I won't lie, I have no grasp of my intentions.
If you hold my hand I'll open up
but please don't ask me to speak my mind.
We could share stories of the scars left by love,
but why bring up despair?
I've learned all I can from holding on
and only just learned how to let it go.
So sit close to me and let the heat build like flame to a coal.

I would like to let my heart take over but my gut and brain team up and hold it back from its reckless intent. The inner struggle terrifies me with the decisions it could bring and the opportunities it may cause me to miss. But my heart will always win this fight; it's just a matter of time. It has been wrong time and time again, growing tiresome and repetitive.

No part of me wants what others seem to be content with. I will not settle for a night and a memory. What would be the point? I know that there are people that works with, most people it would seem. But my past has seen what comes from my persistence and it was worth the world while it lasted. An investment of love that I now blindly hold without a place to put it; my hands frozen cold and my tongue clasped firmly onto unspoken words.

black long haired joey did so many more fun things then blond short haired joey


Long sleeves on,
it's time to start livin'
I'm out the door
and i'm starting to shiver
in the dark
for the sun hasn't risen
and it get's harder
knowing the pay isn't worth my time
there's no way that it's worth my time

There are people
who will take a cut
to pay for all
your freedoms, but
in return
your rights are given up
they hush your voice
and act like nothings wrong
they act like nothings wrong

The blatancy
that we have seen
all their crimes against humanity
but they wear there faces stern
and disregard the voice of the world
as it scream, as it scream
as we scream at them to stop

each of us is a human being
with a mind, a heart and a family
if you had a shred of honour left
you'd see that and maybe hold your breath
and let the opinions of the future be spoken
to shake up the planet until it has woken
we can't leave this place
in the mess that it is in
oh what a mess that it is in

I would really like to go to Holland soon, for a couple years maybe. I have my european passport which would make it a little easier. I've been looking at some schools for Audio engineering there that look really good. Spending that much time there I'd likely pick up the language and overall I think it would be a fantastic adventure and rewarding educationally.

http://amsterdam.sae.edu/en-gb/course_category/941/Audio_Engineering
http://www.sae.edu/en-us/course/1840/Audio_Engineering

I'd also like to do a long bike trip from amsterdam to Morocco

Indonesia, I've been looking at for just a bit this morning and I would really only go there to learn the language and social issues, in addition I'd really like to get good at surfing so a school near a good destination for that would be prime.

http://www.ui.ac.id/en/academic/page/bipa-programs The coast isn't too too far

made my own version of sweet potato fries, no recipe cause i'm know what i like. pretty tasty i must say. full of flavour.

put some coconut oil on low in a wok, get a lid to put ontop of that shit.

1 whole sweet potato
- take the skin off that shit. through the skin out (yuk)
- cut that shit into thin fries. not slices, not wedges (unless they are thin and not wide anywhere.)
- throw it in the mix and do some cool frying pan moves.

1 whole roasted red peppers
- slice that shit. It might be a bit messy on your cutting board, what ever though, just make short skinny slices
- throw it in the mix and do some more wok tricks, get that oil all over the place.

onion
- fry ain't nothin unless theres some onion in that shit. I'm gunna keep saying "that shit" because it makes me sound like a bad ass chef (like a ghetto gordan ramsay.) it also makes me laugh a little.

half a lime
-squeeze it bitch, in the pan stupid!

dijon marinade
- lather it up man

bbq sauce
- we're getting crazy now

mysterious sliced nuts in the tupperware container.
- why not? in the mix

beer
-is that an open bottle of coffee porter? I like coffee! and I'm a porter! In you go!

hot sauce
- duuuuh!

salsa...
- nope, get the fuck out of here salsa. not in this dish.

thyme
- sure

salt and pepper
- no comment, just smart.

takes a while to get the potato to the right tenderness. a lid is definitely necessary...


continued from last post.

_Acting for film and television_

He has been acting in plays and such since he was young, although it has been a little while since the last show he was involved with...

ok I'm tired of this third person business.

soo, it has been a few years now since i took on a role on stage. I acted in some school projects but nothing notable for film and television. But it really does interest me and I would like to learn and train myself to really get into character. I am awestruck by some peoples ability to completely become someone else in cinema and I think it would be something I would really enjoy even if it is rarely a paying career. Unless I somehow got a job on a TV show. Man I can't explain how excited that would make me. The only down side is when I'm not performing I am incredibly shy. This may be a pipe dream.

VFS has a one year intro course and one year intensive program.

There are advisors on all of these websites, I feel I should talk to them but I also think I need some more time to narrow my wants.

next to start researching (DO THIS MONDAY FOOL!)

- Schools in Holland for sound design/engineering. also google maps a cool bike trip from Amsterdam to Morocco.
- Art schools (preferably by the coast) in indonesia.
- REMEMBER YOUR PASSPORT ISN'T GOING TO RENEW ITSELF!!!