Wednesday, September 22, 2010



Was a boy with sun touched skin
made from flesh
and innocence

Was a man of reckless sin
made of stone
and ignorance

On the way to getting lost
in the dark
That's where they'll catch me singing

This is my home
this is my heart
here on my own
I'm getting smart

Tuesday, September 21, 2010



A thin sheet of satin drapes over his erect member. She leans over his lap and playfully pushes it over. "I can still see it, silly." Her eyes are wide and innocent, if he didn't know better he would believe the character she was pretending to be.

"Now, do you want to see a real magic trick?" He asks.

"Oh yes." She moans, moving her shoulder so that it sticks in under his arm. "But make it disappear for real this time."

He removes the cloth. "Ta da!" He reveals a bare patch of skin where his genitals should be.

"What?! But I... I saw it only..."

"Look around Barbie. Nothing is really as it should be."

Monday, September 20, 2010



Hello User.

Have you ever driven under an overpass on the highway? For that brief moment where you were completely enveloped in shadows; did you lose yourself? Were you aware that an immeasurable amount of time had passed, entire lifetimes. Billions of years zoomed past and you didn't even have a chance to blink. Your eyes recognized the change in light. You had plenty of time to see the overpass before it crossed your sky. But there you are again. Nothing has changed has it? You... You are only human after all.

Sunday, September 19, 2010



Do you ever fear we've lost touch?

Saturday, September 18, 2010



They've got faces in all the wrong places.
They put their faces in all the wrong places.
They've got faces. They've got faces.

They're climbing up trees
and breaking off branches
to smash your knees,
to smash your knees.
They break off branches.

They appear in the night
holding on by your window.
They wait for sleep.
They wait for sleep
beside your window.

Well only you could know
How deep this problem goes
How deep these problems go.

With a single coin we'll bet bet bet.
When times are good and we tend to forget
how hard it gets.
Oh, how hard it gets.

Friday, September 17, 2010



The Frame

Knock. Knock. Brad's knuckles stick to the oily paint on the door. “Shit.” He wipes his hands on his pants. Click. The door creaks open and a tiny fat woman peers around it.

“Brad?” she squeaks.

He doesn't recognize her at first, but then she opens the door and the hallway lights illuminate her face, “Molly? Is that you?”

The woman is silent for a few seconds. She stares at Brad, a suspicious frown in her thick brow. “Dad's in bed. He hasn't gotten any better since you called,” she turns and charges back into the house, leaving the door open behind her. Brad picks up his rucksack and follows her in; closing the door behind him. Carefully avoiding the wet paint.

He looks around at the floral wallpaper and dusty wood cabinets. There's a photograph of a young stoic man with a long broad nose. It's in a huge silver frame on a stand beside the fireplace.

“Dad had the plumber haul that out of the basement, he thinks it would look nice at the front of the church for his... well you know,” Molly mutters, she stares in disgust at the shining frame.

“Jesus christ,” Brad walks up to the stand and touches the metallic frame. “Where's he think it's going to go after that.”

Molly goes silent again and walks into the kitchen, suddenly determined to clean up the dishes in the sink.

“Do you think dad will still be awake?” Brad asks, looking up the stairs.

“Yes, but he's not upstairs anymore. We had to move him to the guest room on this floor,” Molly doesn't turn away from the dishes as she answers him. He turns and walks down the dark hall and sees a door with a thin bubble of light shining under it. Opening it, he is met with the obscure yet pungent smell of vinegar, cucumber and buckwheat.

“Molly? Could you please get me a glass of whiskey?” The old man turns his thin head. His nose wobbles on his sunken face. He stares through Brad's abdomen with his grey eyes.

“Uh. It's me Dad,” Brad says softly. His father grins, turning his face up to the sound of Brad's voice. “I'll go get you a drink. Be right back,” he backs out of the room and heads towards the kitchen.

“My boy,” he hears his fathers quiet voice floating behind him down the hall.

Brad rummages through the liquor cabinet. “What are you doing?” Molly questions, putting her hand on his forearm.

“Dad wanted a nip of whisky, I was just...” he stops, seeing Molly shaking her wide head.

“Dad can't drink on his medication,” she scolds him, grabbing the bottle in his hand. “He's been asking for this all week.”

“Do you mind if I pour myself a glass?” he says holding onto the bottle. She lets go and returns to the sink.

Brad walks back to his father, bringing the whisky and two small glasses with him. The door bumps the wall as he enters the room, “Molly? Could you please get me a glass of whiskey?”

Brad pauses, “It's me dad. It's Brad.” His father turns to face him again, grinning, shaded crevices in his skin distort his features. Brad sees just how close to death the man is.

“My boy,” he says, holding his arms up in an attempt to embrace his son.

“Molly says you can't drink on your medication,” Brad says, putting down the bottle and glasses. “How are you feeling?”

“I just want a drink,” he slumps down pathetically and begins to wheeze. Brad approaches and rests his hand on his father's shoulder.

“Take it easy, here I'll give you a bit ok?” Brad pours out a small puddle in the bottom of one of the glasses. “Here you go dad, take this,” his father's shaking hand spills all but several drips before the glass reaches his mouth. “Careful.” He takes the glass back.

“Did you see my portrait?” Brads father croaks. “Did Molly tell you, I'm having it instead of a casket at my funeral.”

“We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to,” Brad looks at his fathers dying face. “I mean, it's important that we know what it is that you want to happen after, but we can discuss that as a family. You know, with all of us there.”

“I've already talked to all of your sisters,” the old mans face hardens. “I want to leave the frame to you.”

“What?” Brad frowns. “Why not Molly? It would be easier since she's...”

“No, I want you to have it,” his father says stubbornly, his blank eyes staring through the ceiling. “Something to remember your old man by.”

“I see, it's just that...” Brad stops himself. “OK Dad, thank you very much. I'll take good care of it.”

-----------------------------------------------------

A bell rings as the door opens up. A man walks into the shop with a young boy. The boy peers around at the shelves. There's a small guitar missing all of its strings, a pile of broken blenders and toasters and a box of furry sweaters. The boy spots something shining on the wall behind a rolled up rug. There, atop a charcoal desk stands a beautiful silver frame, coated with dust and scabbed with rust. The boy senses a certain importance, like when his dad showed him the statue of a soldier beside the pond in Memorial Park.

Thursday, September 16, 2010



This has been a most excellent morning. I slept in until around 12:30 because I stayed up late. When I woke up and went downstairs I talked with alex who was on his way to school.
We shared a bowl before he left.

I cleaned the ash covered kitchen and made breakfast.
Rolled oats with cut up peach and thick maple syrup.

I visited the Afghan border then went back up upstairs in a very pleasant mood.

Now I'm on my hammock eating porridge I made from scratch. Blogging like an idiot and listening to an animal collective play list. Life is rarely this good.

This head space
my shoulders fit
hanging under my neck
a balloon with a wimpy ribbon curled up, knotted and hanging from its underside.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010



Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, looking down at the city he used to know.
"This place doesn't need a hero..." He rasps, the temper gone from his breath. "No, the time for hero's has passed. Just throw these inbred toads some blood and heroin. Let them eat each other for all I care."
Humpty Dumpty teeters on the edge, the light from the street lamps swimming in his eyes. Falling triggers his memory forcing him to relive brief moments of little significance.

"Not much left of him anymore." A hag whimpers, picking up the back of Humpty Dumpty's skull. She licks her new bowl. "Ew, his yoke's gone and spoiled itself."

Bang! A slug from a sawed off shotgun blows through the old bitches wrists.

"Hands off sister." A huge man with long golden hair and a big rig jaw slams the butt of his rifle into her throat, knocking her rotting head onto the blood soaked concrete.

Another man wearing dark sunglasses emerges from the giants shadow. "What do we have here detective?" He ask's, reaching into his jacket.

"A suicide attempt." Whispers the hulking inspector.

"But where's the body then?" The smaller man lights a cigarette and continues to scan his surrounding for any sign of movement. "To bad really, if he'd succeeded that would have been one less of them to worry about."

"I just wish we'd gotten here sooner"


I need to stop writing these so late at night. I have class in the morning and I can't miss it.

I'll be lazy though and just post something I thought about earlier today.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Kelly shudders, her fingers gliding slowly up and down his vascular arm. She cringes as the tip of her index finger caresses a scabbing wound below his rough elbow. "You m-must work out a lot." She stammers, nodding her head to control her frantic breathing.

The man with the muscles grunts, causing Kelly to jump.
Her eyes slowly fill with tears.
She lets out a stifled cry before going completely silent.
He takes her up, wrapping his grotesque limbs around her.
Swallowing her.

Noises from the street push them into the dimly lit back room.

Monday, September 13, 2010



I have to spend a lot of money tomorrow.
not looking forward.

First let me start by saying this is not an attempt to slight anyone's belief's or religious teachings, I am in no way a specialist or "know all" in this subject and my idea's and thoughts should be taken simply as my interpretation of the world and its inhabitants.

I don't believe in anything. That's not true, I believe in everything (to some degree, you'll see what I'm talking about in a second.) The expansive canvas of the universe is infinite. It is impossible for the human brain to conceptualize this idea because, unfortunately for us, our bodies decay. Our minds have boundaries in space and time. The "space" part should really be changed to influence, time can stay the same.

The limit we have with influence and time exist together. By which I mean our ever changing surroundings and the events we experience throughout the time between our birth and our death define the limits of the human brain.

I can not know for certain anything that cannot be explained by science. However, thoughts and idea's conceived by a human brain (or any mind/persona/ego with limitations on either influence or time) have some chance of existing in the infinite past, the infinite future and even the infinite present.

There are many religions around the world with many separate beliefs. Some can coexist, understanding that one person or group's beliefs do not necessarily have to mirror their own. The extremists of most of these groups cannot stand each other and they believe that only their interpretation of the universe or how they understood some holy book is the only way to look at something. These people seek to control the population and should you ever meet one I would approach with caution. These heavy handed prophets fear change and don't understand defiance.

This controlling side of religion was once very necessary for our civilization I believe. We needed to be able to build cities and live together with some sort of moral referee so that we didn't evolve into another unintelligent animal.

...None of this is a cohesive thought nor is there any structure, just thought i'd say that before I continue...

In choosing not to believe anything and to also believe everything, I have come up with a few things I like from a couple religions and my way of looking at them mixed with a few of my own ideas.

First, I like "Creation" and the whole 7 days thing. Not because it's at all accurate in the way they teach it at church but because it may be a way of finding out where "god" is in the universe. Time is relative so maybe what we're suppose to figure out is how far away would something have to be for trillions and trillions of years to go by in a matter of 7 days. The only missing data would be which way? and how fast?

I also have found myself muling over the idea of rebirth or a continuous cycle of life. When I die I turn to the soil and feed the earth and my spirit is reborn within another creature. I really live by this, you can tell when you're meeting somebody if they have a particularly old soul. I think the earth is like a big blue catchers mitt for souls zooming through the universe.

You can see new souls arriving to earth on clear nights. They come attached to little space rocks flying into our atmosphere. The stones burn up in the black sky and somewhere on the opposite side of the earth a baby pops out of a pregnant woman, or a blade of grass sprouts. (The same thing happens whenever anything dies.

Or perhaps there's some sort of waiting list to get back to earth and you have to take a ticket and sit in a waiting room.

There are too many problems in the world that can be fixed just by being caring human beings. It hasn't been proven that prayers do anything more then direct positive energy. We need to be proactive and move out of our father's basement so to speak. Our humanity has come a long way and I believe the next stage will be us realizing that earth is our home. Not only that but we also have the share it with everyone else.

I'm done writing for now. It is quite late and I am waking up fairly early.

Sunday, September 12, 2010



I'm a big fan of these webcam effects, they have given me much enjoyment for the past 20 min. I have nothing to write today so instead I will post a few extra pictures from the hilarious "mirror" effect.



Actually, I do want to write something today because my dog just crawled up and fell asleep between my legs and now I feel inspired.
your foul stench is endearing
even the sound it makes as it escapes from your tiny bum
the brief pause that always follows
a brief moment where we all stare in amazement
the disbelief in several onlookers faces as they stumble for words
"how can something that small make a stink so potent?"
you shrug and put your head back down
unabashed and peaceful

Saturday, September 11, 2010



First I got a Blackberry
I am a white sheep
Then I got a Macbook Pro
I am a white sheep
Because I am in college I accepted the free Ipod that came with the Macbook Pro I purchased
I am a white sheep

PUNCTUATION

Thursday, September 9, 2010



tell me if you want a paintshop portrait. Im brutal


a violin
warped by the sun and humid air
busted by the wind
beaten and pulled by the tide
apart, apart, apart

an orchestra
but maybe not quite so large
just a stick in the sand
commanding my skin
overlapping my bones

it grows over the top of my skull
pushing hair and nerves
down my spine where the skin crawls

Monday, September 6, 2010



Webcam still isn't fixed. I drew myself puckering my lips cause this is the blog entry where I say that I am again looking for someone to fill the void in the part of my life I feel I should be sharing. I want to meet someone I can hangout with all the time and not get bored of. Someone who I can be with and it doesn't matter what we're talking about or if we're talking. I'm tired of looking over my shoulder and seeing nobody. It's a little disconcerting feeling like I am hanging out with someone and then realizing just how alone I really am. I'm glad I have a lot of great friends I can hang out with so I don't drive myself crazy doing this.

Dear future lover.

You are taking to long to find me, I know I'm not making it easy by never showing up to the same events as you but you seriously have to hurry up and get to me before my mind does. Otherwise I may spoil and then you'll lose me forever.

With all of my sincerest love and respect.
Future receiver of your good lovin'.

Sunday, September 5, 2010



fixed my computer but the webcam is kinda wonky at the moment. this drawing will have to do.

I feel strange.
the cannon swings.
I feel the back of my gums with my tongue.
the cannon swings.
The tip is raw and scratches the thin bit of skin near the top by the teeth.
the cannon swings.
I feel the fire.
the cannon swings.
Rushing wind blows the fuse into the air.
the cannon swings.
I blow my nose and black tar comes out.
my right arm swings.
my left arm swings.
I sway.
I march.
We proceed.

http://www.purevolume.com/Rufsex?ref=nf