Is there a chance at all that
everyone has got it wrong, and
getting what you want won't happen when you're
laid out waiting for your turn to come
except every chance that passes was a chance
for failure, something to teach
me to hold my tongue.

Getting inspired on photoshop. spending hours editing/drawing with a shitty mouse. I need a tablet.

Work is destroying me. I wish I was a morning person. Going to visit Hive studios next week to tour it and see if it's where I want to record. more updates on that later.

Feeling lame, my knee clicks really loud all the time now. Thinking I should probably get it checked out... anyways before I go to bed I thought I'd share my method for lucid dreaming.

The best advice I can give you is to do your research. I'll try to put as many tips as I can but what it really comes down to is your brain recognizing that it is in fact dreaming. Google search should pull up a few excellent articles.

Tip: Do your reading. As easy as it is to skim something and get what's important from it; I really urge you to take the time and make sure you understand the concept of recognizing you're in a dream.

Knowing you're in the dream:
This is the fine line that most people get stuck on. You want to know about your dream state while simultaneously believing that you are in reality. Realizing you are in a dream will cause you to wake with a start most of the time, this is the annoying part of lucid dreaming because you can spend hours trying to get to sleep only to wake up minutes later. The key is finding the balance. You want your body and brain to know that you're dreaming but you yourself can't know. That's why reading is so important, it allows your brain to learn and know the facts instinctually without thinking too hard. For me I notice that things just don't feel like they should. Standing up and other actions seem effortless etc.

(I apologize for the shitty writing, i'm very tired and cant sleep)

Once inside the dream your confidence and previous dreams/ideas will start to take over. Full control takes time and a good memory. I would recommend keeping a dream journal if you typically have a hard time remembering what you thought about.

Dreams are usually easier to control if you are familiar with the locations/objects/people. Before you go to sleep think about your favourite memories involving what you plan on dreaming on. It really helps if you try having similar dreams throughout the week. Practice makes perfect, even with dreams.

Be aware of your surroundings:
As you mill about during the day, take time to look around and adventure. The more perspectives you get increases your geographical understanding of your city/town/property. As you get to know the places in the real world better, the landscapes in your dreams will become full and vivid. This also goes for objects and people.

You have to believe you can lucid dream, otherwise the above tips are useless. I believe you can and hope this helps.

Today is my day off and I can't think of anything to do. I replaced my debit card, ID and a window screen that were lost and broken on friday night. I'm glad my friends came up to see me, I had a blast but I'm still hurting from all the shenanigans.

Life is getting more and more lonely and it seems I'm incapable of meeting anyone. I'm also starting to question my own judgement when it comes to the relationships I have with the people I care about. I can rationalize most of my feelings but when it comes down to it I'm wondering if I need to take the next step and pursue the kind of relationship I'm looking for based on my current feelings towards a certain individual or if I should just wait and let things run there course. In most relationships I've had/heard of the first option is usually what escalates a friendship. But the last few times I think I misread the situation and didn't understand how the other person felt. I'm now really afraid of coming on too strong so I let much of whats said just go by without really saying anything I think is important. I know people are more reserved in general then when they were young, I confess I've built my guard up immensely high to the point where I don't even know how I see passed it sometimes. Do I go with my gut again, risk failing and having to rebuilt my social barrier even higher? Or do I wait and see if anyone can figure out a way to climb inside my head and let me know how I'm doing.

needs a little more practice
So do these 2.

Ghost Again
http://vimeo.com/29239556

Bones and Blood
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNbBhrAZxm8

I was struck by a song today, and it basically wrote itself. I tried recording it on my mac but my mic is shit so i'll just post the lyrics.

I was a rock
buried deep underground
and my skin
was so much thinner than sin

And I watched
the sun rise through the dirt
with cold eyes
that I couldn't rely on

oh, you were a bird
That they cut out of glass
and your heart
could tear mountains apart

So I'll sing
to try and conquer the wind
blowing strong
from deep inside of your mind

then if you were her
I would thank my good luck
for the time
that you took to show up

'cause I grew
from a stone to a seed
with the life
that a bird can rely on
a bird can rely

(whistle like a fool)

now my roots
are dug in deep beneath the soil
to soak my skin
It's getting thicker, not thin

And I'll watch
the stars shine in our sky
through your eyes
'cause that's what I rely on
that's what I rely on

he was only 17
how could he have known
that when the love was gone
he'd still feel it in his bones

the evening broke down sweetly
she said she wanted to go home
he didn't have the words to keep her
she closed the door and then he was alone

he was a ghost
for the first time in so long
he was a ghost
he was a ghost

"you better bounce back quick boy" they said
while you're still young
cause when you dwell to long on sorrow
you spoil the taste that's on your tongue

and for a kid to feel it so bad
that he imagines wedding bells
he must have fallen way too quickly
thinking it could only turn out well

then he was a ghost
he was a ghost
for the first time in so long
he was a ghost
he was a ghost

I'm really craving sitting, playing guitar and singing in the same room as someone painting or drawing or sculpting without either of us feeling self conscious and really just appreciating each others company and the moments of creativity where something beautiful is created. Conversation can play a roll but isn't necessary.