I was hoping to go out tonight because I've wasted all my other nights off doing jack all. So I drove to Carlisle and had dinner with a friend and came back because I thought maybe I'd go to the bar and try to meet people by myself seeing as everyone else is busy and have normal monday nights. But I'm home now and I really don't feel like trying to make conversation with people who will probably just think I'm weird and avoid me. When did I get so fucking awkward? I know I've always been a little bad with my shyness stopping me from making sense, but I used to do things atleast. I did way more shows, did activities like skating and dances. Why can't I be care free like I was. Why should I care what people think to the point that I'm afraid to be myself around them. Why did I move to a new city if I'm just staying in avoiding strangers.

Maybe I still feel like they all have cooler stories, more interesting lives, have more sex, have been more places, heard better concerts, more clever ideas.
-\X!*Fuck it. Stop. You are you, now fucking live it. Do something on purpose. Like writing, practice writing... isn't that what you want to do?

[DELETED] Don't write that though, that is private.

Try something like...

Breath upon the glass clouds the crawling crystals. The needles try to creep into celestial patterns across the window; fate would draw a finger through the pristine cluster of ice in a smudge. Some child's crude drawing, or perhaps a vulgar word wiped through the frozen breath of a distracted youth. Two simple sheep; locked together in copulation. Funny, but only if you know the would be artist.

I am - with all do respect - a moron. But at least I don't lose sleep over it. I've already had the best times of my life but I believe one day I will out do my past and that is something to look forward too.